Bills Bills Bills


Unless you've been stuck in a medical tornado you have no idea what it feels like to be spun so fast and hitting so many objects and obstacles that you find yourself questioning, "Why do I keep fighting if all I am going to feel is temporary relief with a ton of guilt?" I have so much anger, guilt, depression, sadness, frustrations with the medical field. I can not understand how someone like me who's terminally ill (with no expiration date), with a crappy quality of life, a family and friends who want nothing more than to help me. Sadly, since so many idiot humans have destroyed and betrayed insurance and medical trust due to their misuse it's people like me who suffer because of them! I pay my taxes, I pay for my insurance (who constantly fight me to not pay for something and are looking into any "fine print" to not pay), I pay my co-pays.. I do everything I am supposed to. Doctors tell me to "lessen my stress", now how the hell is that possible?? You nail me with bills never in single digits, always double to triple.. Calling me demanding payment.. Heart rate rises... BP climbs... OUCH! I need to go to the er... Doctors screaming don't stress... Head is full of a million words.. "Should I stay or should I go" "DON'T STRESS ARE YOU KIDDING ME??" How about, "Thank you for your payment your co-pay will do what it needs to" NOPE! They just take take take! They're more greedy than the beggars you see.. More greedy than a newborn baby.. I have more consequences for seeking medical intervention and help than I do just to fight it at home.
Screaming, Crying, Yelling, Fighting... None works!! Music, music helps... songs are only 3 1/2 minutes... Deep breathing, helps, not for long.. Another phone call into my deep breathing session, another medical facility.. "we know you almost died last week and because of that we need you to pay $10,000 for us keeping you alive, your insurance won't cover that" Are your freaking kidding me?! Screw you insurance! I dread going to the mailbox.. I know what's in there.. I know I am the reason my children can not have the childhood I did.. I can not do what I used to be able to.. Insurance doesn't care about that, hospitals do not care about that.. If anyone is materialistic its hospitals and insurance. The amount of money they steal from us monthly is enough to support a small family, instead we have to work 90 hours a week just to make ends meet and even then, still can not see the light at the end of this very dark and greedy tunnel!

I beg my body every day..
I beg my insurance and doctors to please understand..
My body is reaching limits I can not win..
Will tomorrow be ok?
Will my kids suffer another day because "mom's sick"?
What is the family sacrificing because of me?


Comments

  1. UnknownApril 20, 2017 at 10:59 AM

    Tamara - I have yet to meet you, but know the man you asked out for pizza years ago. You two are raising four incredible daughters, all while you are bouncing from hospital to hospital, ER to ER, clinic to clinic, hope to hopelessness, joy to despair...well, you get it.

    The irony of life where there are so many paradoxes. Health care and medical practitioners are spring loaded to cure what ails you, to prolong life. I applaud your courage. Even though we have come a long way in terms of patient rights for end-of-life care, we still have so far to go.

    Step one - you decide what you want. What you want your life and death to look like. Surrounded by medical practitioners in a sterile room, or at home, with family and others who have earned the right to have a front row in your life. Clinicians cannot protect their patients wishes/wants if they do not know what they are. As I told Bryan last night, find members of the medical and health care community that will support YOU and YOUR wants., wishes, values, desires.

    You are a model, like it or not, for those of us who are watching. You are living your legacy. You are the gift and you don't have to do anything, but be you. Nothing else is required but to let in the love that surrounds you. Some believe this is the hardest thing we have to do, accept the love of Christ, of our significant other, spouse, family members, and friends.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, your journey with us. It matters. These are the conversations, going forward, that change lives.

    Peace,
    Mark
    The Tesla guy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bryan Armstrong ConsultingMay 16, 2017 at 6:58 PM

    To help please donate and share https://www.gofundme.com/26kn9x8c

    ReplyDelete

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