Easter

Easter

Easter is a time to celebrate the rebirth of Jesus.. It's now become a time for families to get together and plan a day of Easter egg hunts, candy, food and togetherness.. These are times I sit back and watch, take in every moment with my family and friends. Listen to their laughter, look at their smiles, listen and be involved in conversations. My parents have always made Easter a big deal and have been wonderful examples to my children. It is a time when the kids are actually outside and being kids (playing basketball, dodgeball, 4 square, ping pong, ect.) no one on electronics and everyone being involved. When it comes to eating all of my family have learned how to cook for me since I am unable to eat most foods, through trial and error I find the food that I can handle and that is what I'm drawn towards until the next "edible" food without consequence finds me. My family worries a lot about me and when we all get together they like to ask how I am doing and what is happening medically with me as far as treatments. I try to not let these conversations take the place of family time and conversations; this holiday is not about me. It's never fun to say, "Well, scans have come back.. I am fully stopped throughout my large intestine and large colon and the next step would be removal of the effected areas (not a simple surgery)"

Yesterday's Easter was bitter sweet, it was the day I announced my sister would be having a baby girl in September which makes 6 grandchildren for my parents (this will also be the first DNA daughter of the family). My mind wanders to praying and hoping that my baby niece will not get the genes that I have, it would be devastating. I know medicine has advanced hugely since I was a baby and I can only hope it continues to grow. My sister and I always joke that I took all the internal genes (sickness on both sides) while she took all the external (glasses, braces; external stuff). My sister and I carry the MS gene, I test positive but it lays dormant until surgeries, I can only hope that I passed that onto my daughter (I lost her at 21 weeks, along with her brother) and that it has skipped my sister. I have many family members fighting MS and it's very close to taking two of them right now.

People always make comments of "Don't you wish you had MS instead of what you go through?" "Wouldn't cancer be better?" You know, yes sometimes I do wish I had something that may actually be treatable and not have what I do, but I believe I am here for a reason and once that reason has been found that is when I will be called back home. My stubbornness get's me through a lot of days, while fighting an internal battle of hate, anger, pain. To many times I have been in the giving up stage but then I see my children, my husband, my family and  friends and they are the reason I continue. I'm told all the time how strong I am but that is only on the outside of what people see, they do not see what happens behind doors. Sadly it is finally getting harder and harder to hide the pain, my belly deceives me. My sister and I look the same in size (she is 19 weeks pregnant and well, I am not). I am so grateful I get to live pregnancies through my sister, we have a connection that usually only happens with twins.

I have finally found a steak that I can eat and now crave it daily; a 10oz ribeye from Texas Roadhouse, cooked medium. I say this because those who know me know I would never have a steak medium, I've always gotten medium well and never ever a 10oz because I could never eat it all. Well, I can eat this one and it has by far been my favorite "mistake" stake. I savored every single bite, taking my time, begging my body to accept this new found glorious steak, my husband and children staring and wondering what was wrong and why I wasn't sharing it (my kids have found that I usually only eat 1/3 of anything I order so they get the rest), this has been a huge deal to me. My family has learned that now when I am asked what I'd like to eat without hesitation it is Texas Roadhouse. I never get sick of eating the same foods, I get sick when my body decides it's done with that one and I need to find the next acceptable food.

Easter was a great day yesterday, the sun was out, the kids weren't fighting, company was amazing and the food delicious.. We did deal with drama and feelings got hurt, wounds that will take me awhile to forgive. For whatever reason I apparently was supposed to break a sisters bond and tell everyone my sister's trusted secret, they do not get the "It's not my secret to tell" there will always be people who hate that I will always support my sister and I will always be her side kick, her confident, her go to, her trusted person, the one who she can trust her life with. Her and I worked hard on our relationship which people play dirty and tell lies to try and ruin what we have. Jokes on them, we are stronger than their lies.

In conclusion the picture below is what my belly looked like yesterday after the daily activities, the skin very tight, the swelling and pressure was very uncomfortable. I have found out that wearing a "belly lifter for pregnant women" is very very helpful and will be investing in one shortly.

This is full blown Gastroparesis with Diverticulitis.